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Monday, June 23, 2014

A post about strength, resilience, setbacks, comebacks and perspective.

Well, I was training. I was doing really well and then, suddenly, I wasn't. My whole training plan and goals and dreams of doing really well in triathlons were dashed when I saw the X-Ray of my spine that looked like an unnatural S, and saw that my back had an unnatural curve in my neck and mid back from the side. In my boyfriend's words it looked 'messed up' and felt just as bad as it looked. I was looking so hard for something else to be causing the pain that I didn't see this coming. 

I was immediately upset because of the shock value associated with seeing your spine shaped like an 'S.' It's really unnatural and just hurts to look at. Like, are you sure thats my back? Then, the additional strain of everything else sunk in. I still have some unsolved symptoms and have more doctors appointments set up to deal with all of that. It takes a lot of time and energy to deal with all of these appointments and ailments and its not like these things are free. And also, it's disappointing. It's really disappointing to finally summon enough courage to set goals again after a ten year athletic hiatus only to have it all cut short after barely starting. Don't get me wrong, I understand this diagnosis isn't an end-all and its not anything severe or life threatening - I am lucky for that. But that's how all of my diagnoses are - annoying and pesky and a forever thing. After a while I come around after a brief visit to Pityville, pick myself up, and move forward. It just gets exhausting after doing it so many times - you start to lose faith. Faith in what? I don't know how to answer that very well, but my faith in me is dwindling. I have started feeling broken, feeling like I am being tested. I wonder if any of my body systems actually work as advertised or if I am all just like, broken pieces. I am just really upset that I started to work for something, allowed myself to get way too excited and go after it with enthusiasm and passion to find this out. I know it couldn't have been prevented but come on, right now!? I was having fun, and now, all races are off the schedule, goals are withdrawn and I am siting on the couch afraid of how much weight I am sure to gain while I eat my feelings. 

Obviously, I thought about this over the last few days as I sat with my achy pain pretty much all day. I have been here before, I thought, too many times probably. I know how to pick myself up just fine. I get creative in how I help myself; I know I can't bike or run, but I can just swim that much more. Can't race? I can go camp and hike. This doesn't have to be an end all, just another thing to overcome. I envision like, these rocks that symbolize injuries and events to overcome being thrown at me over and over again and with those skills I learned in elementary school dodgeball days I jump, dodge and weave my way through the game of life. This is another test in my resilience, in my ability to see another obstacle through to the end and a reminder to always keep perspective. There are far worse things than a bent spine to deal with in life and I am confidant that I can easily handle this pest of a diagnosis. There have been moments in all of my injuries (and still are) where I want to fall down to my knees (or right now, kind of one-legged balance down to a kneed stance) and shake my fists at the sky for my insanely bad luck. Lost careers, too many doctors visits and lots of tears but this is where our true strength comes from. It's easy to be on it and feel on top of the world when things are going your way but true character is grown in trying times. When our way of life and future as we know it is tested. So, bring it on spine.

My plan for the summer has now changed a bit. Instead of heavy training I now have more time to spend with family and get to sleep in. I'll probably still eat lots of food and laugh so loud you can hear me from a block away, so not a lot is changing. Not in the grand scheme of things, anyways. 

Oh, but if you see me, remind me to sit/stand up tall. Gotta work on that posture now more than ever! 

And in the spirit of strength I want to share one of my most favorite poems, even if it is really cheesy: 

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-William Ernest Henley 
Your unconquered friend, 

Megan 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

TEN YEARS. A piece of reflection on my May 8th, 2004.

Hi there, friend! Well, if you have read my blog ever or talked with me in the last eight months you probably know I am training for triathlons. In fact, I am signed up for my first one for the season and I am beyond excited. Like, I just want to squeal. I know I could have done many things better to prepare for this season and I don't have a lot of money or time but goddammit, I am still excited as all get out to go race! Its amazing, the last few months I feel like my life has structure and training has allowed my soul to smile. I am having fun again, like I did with swimming, and I have been able to identify with something deep inside myself in a way I haven't been able to do in a long time.

What's a long time, you ask? I know, I'm only 26. One year? Absolutely not. I swear I was 24 just yesterday. 5 years? Meh, I was in school and went out to the bars about four times a week and a lot has changed since then (for the better), but relatively speaking it doesn't seem that long ago. Its been ten years. TEN YEARS.

Ten years ago. I was a smiley and relatively annoying and energetic 16 year old. I was in Drivers Ed, felt relatively invincible and weighed about twenty pounds less than I do now. I wore jeans and sweatshirts all the time, no makeup, smelled of chlorine and was pretty much cold twenty four hours a day (nothing has changed). I ate a ton of food, crushed on boys that I never talked to and loved my portable CD player (along with my huge case of CDs). I did well in school, history was my favorite, and had many friends (but few close ones). I loved eating ice cream, enjoyed the quiet mornings (although waking up was the hardest thing ever) and lived on a farm 40 minutes outside of town. I was strong willed with a loud personality, but blushed with shyness when people asked for an autograph. I loved the outdoors and camping and despite heavy training and focus, my parents still snuck my brother and I off to the mountains a few times a year for a long weekend. I was feisty and funny and dreamed big. My goal? Win a bet with my mom for a 4-Runner (my all time favorite car at that age) for getting a full ride swimming scholarship to a big Division I college, win Trials at the ripe age of twenty and go to the Olympics. I dreamed of living the pro athlete life. I clearly believed in destiny and thought being an athlete was mine. And it was just starting. There was something big waiting out there for me.

Ten years ago on the second weekend of May, May 8th to be exact, I was a bright eyed hard working 16 year old just two short months away from the biggest meet in my swimming career. After a 3 hour long swim practice, we did some dry land training. I was the strongest I had ever been - 3 hours of training and I finished feeling exhausted but strong. My endurance was high, my stroke was refined and I felt fresh and excited. My coach invited a parent to play, the parent got aggressive, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, blah blah blah. BAM. Shoulder was hit so hard, bone broke off. Career over. Dreams dashed. And at 16, I learned the world is a ruthless place and nothing is certain.

The next two months were a blur of depression and tears. I went to doctors but knew I was going to do what I wanted to do anyways, no matter what they said. They said I wouldn't swim. I couldn't swim. I went to Trials. I swam. I was going to that meet no matter what. My coach ostracized me, teased me. He shamed me. He left me at Trials because he was embarrassed. At Trials my coach whispered in my ear 'I hope God forgives you for what you've done.' I felt humiliated and embarrassed for being a failure. I was lost, struggling to grasp what was going on around me and why I felt so much loss. People either told me they understood how I felt because they once had to have knee surgery in their mid-thirties or told me I had no idea what loss was. Either prompted deep sadness; that someone thought they understood my deep feelings of loss or my sudden dis-trust in the world and its people. I wanted to hold on to anything supportive, anything constant. Looking back, while I can't remember much about this time, it was small things that kept me busy. Words couldn't express my sadness, so I didn't really talk about it. I mostly cried alone in my room.

I remember that morning. The practice, my times, the way the water felt, the way I felt in the water. I remember feeling confident and excited for my future. I remember the game. I remember the faces. I remember collapsing to the grass with the sun beating down on me. I remember snapping at the parent (Russ was his name) who touched me, I remember cussing in my head and outloud. I remember the ice bag. The swelling. My mom's hopeless look on her face. The ride home. I feel bad for that little girl, I really do. There wasn't a support system set up for what she was going through. There wasn't anything anyone could say or do. There wasn't a way to comfort a person who had their world, all of their efforts, snatched away. There wasn't a way to prove that, despite this loss, hard work and dedication were still good things to invest time in. There wasn't a way to show a bright side to the situation because there wasn't one. There wasn't anyone who could tell her it would be ok, because no one knew if it would be ok. And for a really long time, it wasn't ok. For a few years, I clung to this dying piece of me, and the eventual loss of myself and the life I knew felt like death. It was a mourning process and while I can look back with perspective, the most important things I learned and appreciate because of this 'incident' were only things I learned after finding strength within myself.

So, with ten years of growth under my belt and a completely different life then I had ever imagined, here are a few things I would never change. And keep in mind, the actual event itself was but a blip in the overall picture; what I have taken away and learned is the true focus and gift from this experience.

I wouldn't choose it, but I wouldn't change it.

Thoughts and changes:

My anger. As you might have hoped, this has definitely changed. At first, I was an angry girl. I was lost and filled with a lot of hate for things that I couldn't necessarily express. I hated certain people, HATED, but had a lot of anger for the situation in general. I internalized the anger and since no one took the blame, I felt I had no choice but to blame myself. For the first few years, any time I saw my coach or the jackass who hit me, I would either shut up like a clam or become extremely and emotionally angry. I couldn't watch my own event, the 100 back, for a few years. Gradually, as I realized I was stronger than I thought and my life went on (because it had to) the pain subsided and the anger became less and less. It just became a lot to hold on to and it was overwhelming. Why be angry when it serves no purpose? Plus, I no longer identified with myself the same way I did when I was 16; I was changing and finding new things to define me. Do I still hate the people responsible? Meh, hates a little strong but... I wouldn't mind if Karma stepped in while I was there to witness it.

My sadness. Again, as you might have hoped, this has changed as well. YAY! I know I was really sad at first. So sad that my mom gets emotional when she talks about that first year or so. I don't think I knew how to come to terms with anything, and it all just came out as pent up anger and sadness. All things lost their joy and I rarely found true happiness in anything. I was a sad girl. I think I remember smaller things from that time period that were supposedly devastating, but I think it was just a little scratch on top of this huge wound. And the sadness just got worse and worse until I left USC. When the doctors told me I wouldn't swim again, and needed a shoulder replacement surgery, I felt like I hit bottom. I was nineteen and totally completely devastated. I was torn apart, and no one could make it better. I moved home, started pretty much everything from scratch and began reinventing myself. It was hard learning a new identity, especially in my hometown. But gradually, slowly, I found or rediscovered new passions. I found that people didn't see me as a swimmer anymore, which helped me. If I didn't see myself as a swimmer, I didn't feel like I failed. It took a while, but gradually, I came around. The biggest thing I had to overcome was that, while I wanted to move on from this past life, I was still going to Physical Therapy and undergoing treatments and MRIs for the same shoulder issue. But somewhere in between all of this, I realized I was pretty damn strong, and despite all the sadness I was finding ways to be happy. While I never actually competed in swimming again, I felt that I had overcome this tragedy and sadness because I dealt with it; I finished it and saw it to the end. I actually took pride in my strength and ability to overcome. Hell, I had four shoulder surgeries, two of which were really serious. It takes a lot of mental strength and patience to have so many surgeries and go through so many intense recovery periods and I appreciated that. When it takes you an hour and then a nap to get showered and fully dressed for the day, you learn patience. After the third surgery, my entire gait and ability to walk and run was lost, and I had to actually learn how to do these things correctly again. Over time the sadness, as well as the anger, turned to a weird sense of pride. I was proud of my ability to become the person I am now while having such a negative past that pushed me to grow. I realized I couldn't be scared anymore. I couldn't fear loss and commitment; I knew I could do it on my own. I even moved down to South America for a winter to both prove the point to myself that I could do it and also to have a kick ass time.

Perspective. Well, yeah. As a 16 year old my world seldom included anyone else. My actions, my goals, my drive, everything was centered around me. I was selfish; I had a strong personality in addition to pursuing a promising athletic career made me this way. I knew there were worse things in the world than not getting the new suit I wanted or having 20 pairs of goggles, or not getting a brand new nice car. I knew that. I knew that there were worse things than camping at a swim meet or staying at a friends because hotels were too expensive. But, I didn't really care. I still wanted all of these things. Same with being injured; I understand I didn't actually lose my life or anything. But I felt bad for myself, I pitied myself. Who else has this happened to? Who else has had so many serious shoulder surgeries? Who else has lost their entire identity before they even really found it? How can someone explain to me how I deserved this? What did I do? It was relentless. But, so was the problem. Shoulders are persistent little buggers, and I learned while I could run away from the lifestyle some things just weren't going to change. So, I dealt with it. And in learning to face a problem head on, fear be damned, I gained a broader perspective on life. My viewpoint on life changed; I no longer took pity on myself. I began to see it as unfortunate, but also has an opportunity to challenge myself to grow above and beyond the hand that I was dealt. I think our perspective on life is always evolving and changing, but I am happy for the way that the shoulder incident changed mine (eventually for the better).

Apologies I never got. This is hard for all of us to come to terms with. Remember when your best friend when you were seven stole your toy? Or when your brother ate your snack when you were so hungry you felt as if you might just collapse to the ground in a heap of hunger? And more seriously, when you boyfriend of a year cheated on you... and just let you drift off into the world, sad and confused to find your own way? Sure, sometimes we get apologies but they are too little, too late. Or we don't get them at all. While its only human to make mistakes, apologies (or lack there of) seem to really have a hold on us (or at least on me). When I was young, I was head strong and always felt I deserved the most heart felt apology, and when we are young we normally get them. 'Ian, say you are sorry to your sister' and the problem is solved. But, the real world doesn't work like that. Shit happens and there isn't a person who calls your phone and says 'Hey, we are really sorry to hear that your coffee spilled all over you in the car this morning/someone hit your dog with their car/someone dented your car in the parking lot/you were the victim of credit card theft/that jerk broke up with you.' And it makes us angry that when we are wronged we don't feel validated. We don't feel we got the closure or the sincere emotion of an apology from that person or situation. Hell, I am still angry about the first person who hit my car - how can you NOT say you are sorry when you slam into a parked car at 40 mph? But, I didn't get the apology and it took almost 10 months for the insurance claim to even go through - too little, too late. There are people that have been in my life that have completely rocked my world in the worst way, shattered any strength I had in that very moment, and I haven't gotten an apology. And I never will. The shoulder, my first handful of pathetic less-than-worthy boyfriends, people who I thought were friends and even the lack of support I had during my chaotic years. And those situations with peoples with faces you can't remember but that seem to hurt so bad you'd just rather not remember at all. I have learned we don't always get apologies and we shouldn't expect them. We can't make people come around to see our side. I can't make you be sorry for hurting me. But for a really long time, I dwelled on the fact that no one owned up to making a mistake, to ripping apart my shoulder and apologizing over and over for ruining my life. It kept me from healing or moving on. Was it me? Why couldn't someone at fault just offer up that simple comfort? But for so long, and even now a little bit, that remorse and sincere emotion of an apology was so important to me. I want someone to actually sit with the pain or trauma that they caused, because that's what I always felt was fair. Alas, we all mature and realize that while it sucks the world doesn't apologize. People don't say sorry. People, for the most part, really just don't care. And its unfair to me to dwell on this as its really only harming me. It was a hard learned lesson, but sometimes people just don't say sorry. And sometimes, when they are, they just can't express it in the way you want. Or, it's delayed and has lost its appeal. Whatever it is, we can't let the lack of remorse on someone else's part hold us down and keep us from moving forward.

Appreciation for health. Even though sometimes I am really not that healthy. I totally learned to appreciate good health. Surgery sucks, and being laid up for so long is seriously the pits. Sitting on a couch unable to muster the energy or courage to move because you know it will hurt like the dickens is terrible. Having had terrible shoulders that caused me so much pain and grief, I am so thankful to be able to swim and do things once again! Health is a great gift, and those of us who have it need to be very thankful and do all we can to enjoy it.

Swimmer shoulders. A humorous takeaway, but yeah, I still have the things! They aren't as beefy as they might have been, but I wouldn't trade those puppies for anything. Not then. Not now. Wear your sport proudly.

I can look back on swimming and all the things it taught me with happiness. Seriously, I met some of the most awesome people ever during swimming. And I got to go to some pretty freaking sweet places. The appreciation for all that hasn't and never will change.

While swimming I learned about hard work. Not just 'finishing the task' but actual hard work. You would have been hard pressed to find someone when I was 13 who thought I could made it to the national swimming level, and I only made it to those big meets because I worked my ass off. It isn't just dedication, its passion and acceptance of the lifestyle and I feel so fortunate to have the skill sets to now apply the same passion and dedication to other aspects of my life.

I used to hate this time of year. It only served as a reminder of that difficult day that changed the outcome of my young life. But, now, I celebrate it because I am pretty proud of what I have been through. I know everyone says that, but its real. Its given me a great gift of experience and perspective that I didn't have before. I love the person I am now, and honestly don't think I would be the same without going through that fateful day. And I wouldn't trade my life now for anything - I am happy right where I am.

*Also, I know there are a lot of traumatic events in everyone's life - its life. This was one of my struggles and I hope that by being able to talk and share about how it impacted me - for better or worse - allows someone else to go through something traumatic with a little more ease. Life ain't perfect, and we should all support and help one another. 

Saturday, March 22, 2014

The Time is Now

Well, I bet you thought I just disappeared, huh? Sorry, life's been busy and I have been happy and just forgot to sit down to write to everyone.

Me and my Joelybean snowshoeing.

I wanted to catch everyone up on what exactly I am planning for 2014. After a little bit of back and forth between desire and reality, I decided to train for triathlons. Committing to things has always been such a struggle for me since my swimming days, and I think I have finally been able to semi-adopt the mentality that what will be will be and to just go about my goals anyways. I knew I really enjoyed training and a regimented schedule and love to challenge myself, and with the support and encouragement from my family and Joel I decided to go for it. As I have said before many times, athletes like myself don't do well with just 'doing' or 'trying;' its an all or nothing kind of thing. I think I have the potential to do something awesome in the sport if I dedicate myself. IF. I have been working out the last few more months more than I ever have before, so I am in great shape but have a LONG ways to go before I will be satisfied.

I adopted a training schedule and have religiously stuck to it. I'll even go as far to say I don't feel like I am doing enough; I want to push myself even more. I am always tired and more often than not I am hungry, but I know I could do more; the balance is hard. I sometimes wish I could train like I used to, with food provided to me and no jobs to do other than get my homework done and write some slinky three page paper by the end of the week. However, part of the challenge of being an adult athlete is making it all fit and working everything in. It's been really fun training in three sports that I enjoy individually and seeing improvements in each. I have been swimming about three times a week, and have noticed drastic improvements in how my shoulder is holding up. I'm not swimming great yardage or fast times, but I am swimming better and longer than I have since my initial injury (10 YEARS AGO!) so I really cant complain. I just feel lucky to swim after four surgeries. Cycling has been hard because I have a huge fear of cold or wet weather, so most of my rides are on the trainer. That being said I am stronger than I have ever been so every week is better than the last. Running is still new to me, but the more miles I run and more workouts I do, the stronger and more confident I feel. Combining the workouts and doing doubles during the week while working is actually really fun; I love the feeling of pushing myself to the limit and being so tired I could sleep sitting upright with energetic five year olds screaming around me but going out and running one of my fastest and strongest workouts ever. There is no doubt I am excited about what I will do this summer.

However, I'll be the first to admit that I don't really know what I am doing. My race schedule seems to change on a weekly basis, I try to base my training on various people and plans and normally feel in over my head for the goals that I have. I constantly wonder if I am doing too much or too little and if this is right or wrong. I look to others for goal shaping and training help, and flounder without my friends and Joel to provide me with input. Right now, I just don't feel like I am to the point where a coach would be useful - they don't know me, I don't know them and neither of us will know what I am capable of until I race. Plus, they are expensive and unless I find someone willing to take me on as a charity case I have better use of that money each month. I have only done two triathlons and felt like I barely finished so 'triathlete' isn't a word I would use to describe myself yet; I'm just in good shape. I daydream about signing sponsorship deals and running insanely fast times in effortless form and crossing a finish line to find myself standing on the top of a podium shortly after. Meanwhile, I sometimes struggle with a four mile shakeout run and just want to phone a friend to pick me up and get a milkshake (or beer). The whole effort, the work, isn't something that is new to me; its something familiar and feels like a hug most of the time, even when I am so frustrated I want to scream. The sport is what's new and hard to trust; I don't know my ability yet and I don't understand the sport as well as I want to. I am learning.

I have big goals for this year; I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I want to try a Half Ironman distance, to see how I like it and how well I might do. It's sustained effort for over five hours, so it might just be that my body rejects the whole thing. At first it seemed almost impossible (like my first half marathon did), but now that I have been training more I'm confidant I can do more than just finish. Other than that, I just want to race fast in the Olympic distances, kick some ass, and be fast enough to be in elite waves. Why? Because I know I can be that fast. Committing to much more than that is well, overwhelming. Plus, my comeback story isn't the worst I have ever heard.

Ok, nap time.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Life paths and learning how to travel them.

It will hit me suddenly, any moment of any day, and it always rings true. Everybody travels a different path in life. Sure we hit some of the same landmarks and share the same moments, but it’s impossible for me to liken my life experience with yours. It’s one of the fascinating things about humans and our hearts. I struggled for a really long time with grasping this concept. I couldn’t let the life I wanted go – I didn’t know how. I was envious of those who were living on my path, or seemed to be, and was consumed with jealousy and rage for having been kicked off my path so suddenly. But after however many surgeries, I finally learned that I need to relax, take calm breaths and let the reality of my life sink in – it is exactly what I make it; no more, no less. I lost everything I thought I could have, I lost myself and my identity, but I gained so many opportunities and had what I thought was a pretty unique outlook on life. Now people that I was once envious of are traveling down the same path of realization I was on; life is constant learning and change and making of it what you want. Of course, everyone comes to this realization in varying states of happiness; it can be a very sad and overwhelming thought to know that life is what you make it. It leaves a lot open for interpretation. It leaves a lot open to our imagination.

While I learned that everyone has a different path and gained this whole ‘seize the day’ mentality earlier on, it’s taken me a long time to try to live my life like that. It’s taken me a long time to unburden myself from the things that once tied me down, the things that held me down and made me grief stricken. It took me a very long time to look upon these moments, these events, with growth instead of pure hatred. It took me a very long time to see how it changed me, for good and for bad. It took me a very long time to completely surrender the life that I had once wanted so badly and was destined for, and even more so forgive myself for not making it a reality. Had someone told me when I was 16 that I would eventually have found my way to where I am now, I would have responded ‘you’re bat shit crazy.’ I was dead set on making my dreams come true long after the ship had sailed and while I think the heartbreak was something I needed to experience to move on, I wish I hadn’t spent so long mourning.

Ok, enough of the conversation that never ends; my point is, our lives are exactly what we make of them. I want and TRY to inspire people to see this; the only real limits are ones you placed on yourself. I have made plenty of decisions that conflict with my parents opinions (note: not their love), have gone way against the grain and absolutely do not regret it, and have basically just acted on a whim. I maxed out a credit card to simply go to Patagonia when I was in Chile last minute and see penguins. Why? No, no, you’re being too logical. The question is, why not? Even when I was crying alone somewhere in South America, frustrated from not being able to speak Spanish or not being able to find my apartment or having my debit card stolen, I didn’t regret it. I was living life; I was feeling and experiencing the real thing. I was finding me – I was BEING ME. I didn’t want to compete ever again after the whole swimming fiasco, but I have gradually found my way back and was consumed with dreams and thoughts of making my efforts worth it. Slowly but surely, I accepted these as goals and hey! Now I am achieving them and it’s kind of exciting and I kind of like it! I have learned to not shy away from things; approach some things cautiously, yes, but I get to make my own life. One thing ends and we (should) take on another. I got lost in the transition (I was only 16, give me a break), and a lot of people do. That is totally ok. Life is messy and people get lost and do the wrong thing and we learn. And now that the newness of this realization and this new perspective on how to live has worn off, I get a little jealous of people who are just figuring this out but am so happy that they are! And while we can relate to each other in this new way, our experiences are totally different. We have lost and gained very different things. But one thing is for sure; our life is full. For living 26 years, I have so much life packed in there that it actually makes me a little tired just thinking about it. We have lived so fully and continue to live that our paths take us to unique and outstanding places. For example, my 2014 goals for myself are so outstanding and exciting that my blood pressure rises just thinking about it.

So why did I write this? No reason, really. Its really just a bunch of words with a vague message. Just writing down my thoughts and making it known that everyone can change and try something new. That even the people have accomplished great things that we look up to can experience the same kind of fall out and ‘what do I do now?’ sort of thing. That no matter what you are coming back from, it’s worth it. That everyone should meet challenges with the most strength they can muster because the path you are on is totally worth it.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Now that January is almost over, here are my goals for 2014!

Well January just kind of flew by, right? I was totally meaning to sit down around New Years and write out goals for the next year but New Years kind of came and went and then life happened. As it always does.

So, I am taking some time now to do this. I don't necessarily set goals or make resolutions, but 2014 is shaping up to be a really exciting and big year for me and it always helps me when I have them written down. Something about that makes them real, tangible things.

Megan's 2014:

  • Kick ass in triathlons. I am not sure how else to state this, as I haven't actually ever trained for a triathlon before so I don't even know what I am capable of. I could make guesses and assumptions, but that's not fun.
  • Set a PR in another Half Marathon - def sub 1:40.
  • Travel down to Guatemala and Belize with Caitlin. For obvious reasons.
  • Get a new bike. Obviously this is contingent on finances but I secretly want two. Shh, don't tell Joel.
  • Go backpacking at least three times this summer. Those weekends seem to slip by so quickly, but I love getting out there and enjoying the peace and quiet of nature.
  • I may be over committing, but why not? Summit Mt. Rainier.
  • Go to a NEW National Park that I haven't yet been to.
  • Turn 27 with grace. For those of you who really know me, this should be easy.
  • Maybe it doesn't need to be said, but no shoulder surgeries. Yeah, that's always a goal of mine.
  • Flirt with the idea of getting a puppy. I know, I am just scared to commit!
  • Buy all the workout apparel I can afford.
  • Do a century ride.
  • Hike a new hike that I haven't ever done before in Mt. Rainier.
  • Do one random act of kindness each month to cheer up a stranger.
  • Date night once a week with Joelybean - other than when one of us is out of town.
  • Continue to learn to just LET STUFF GO.
  • Read books.
  • Complete a half ironman.
  • Participate in a running relay race.
  • Continue my love for penguins.
  • Seize opportunities - to be kind, to be thoughtful, to be forgiving, to be bigger, to be better, to be open, to be peaceful, to be honest, to be fun, to be spontaneous, to be adventurous, to try something new, to grow.
  • Take more pictures.
  • Enjoy more moments.
  • Rely less on others.
  • Enjoy being outside as much as possible this summer.
  • Take a long vacation with my Joelybean.
  • Grow long hair.
  • Learn to French braid long hair.
  • Laugh a lot.
  • Run a 10k at 6:30 pace (or faster - fine by me).
  • Be able to change a flat tire on my own.
And I am sure many more wonderful things will happen to me this year that aren't on this list! 2014 I'm comin' for ya!

Friday, December 27, 2013

My 2013 in review!

I will start off by saying 2013 has been a great year. I met my love Joel, have had some amazing experiences with friends and gone on a number of wonderful trips. I have seen some beautiful places with some beautiful faces and I couldn't be more thankful! I feel so lucky to have my friends and family and my Joelybean in my life and can only imagine what 2014 will bring!

Here's a list of a few notable things from 2013:

-While I didn't have surgery this year, I do still undergo some of the weirdest treatments for some of the weirdest things. I had eye plugs put in this year - yes, plugs for your eyes.

-I lost a toenail thanks to toe-bang and a touch of frostbite (or what I think was frostbite) from ice climbing. I have since taken up more precautionary measures to make sure I don't get that cold again.
 

-My car continues to break down on a bi-yearly basis, but I have yet to sell it. Car payments scare me (apparently more than expensive trips to the mechanic).


-I moved from my apartment to my boyfriends apartment and then to a house. Lots of moving.

-I started dating my wonderful Joelybean who has challenged me in so many ways and loves me unconditionally; I am lucky to have someone so amazing to share my life with!





 

-I was finally able to get over myself and compete in something again. For so long, and for reasons I might never completely understand, I couldn't ever really commit myself to working towards something athletic. It scared me very much. But, I did some triathlons and after the summer was over, I dedicated myself to running a half marathon and continuing on through the winter to train for more races in 2014. While its nothing like my training in my previous life, its something new and exciting and I have really enjoyed being active and committed to something again!



-I ran my first half marathon in 1:41.43. Not what I wanted, but I ain't complainin' for my first one!


-I saw a boobie- a blue footed boobie - in Ecuador on a refuge island off the coast. I also saw a manta ray and the largest pod of dolphins known to man kind. No penguins for 2013, though.


-I turned 26. I know birthdays are predictable, but hey, its something monumental for 2013. Officially in my later 20's.

-Ecuador. I can't even really put that into words.









 
 

-I went to Jasper and Banff FINALLY and had the most amazing trip.










-While in Jasper, I saw a huge grizzly bear from about 25 feet away. Don't panic though, I was in a canoe with bear spray in hand.





-My family lost our long time puppy dog, Buddy this summer. Buddy was our faithful k9 companion for 16 years and even when he was sick was always happy and content.


-I have faced a lot of challenges in 2013 and while I might not have dealt with everything with grace and ease that some people might have, I have done the best that I could.

-I have enjoyed time with good friends and really cherish some of my friendships that were strengthened this year. Never underestimate the power of a good friend!



-Joel built me a time trial bike. I have yet to actually ride it.

-My godmother Sheila passed away this fall after a very prolonged and difficult illness. I have never seen so many people show up to remember her and have such wonderful and heartfelt things to say. It really reminded me what a wonderfully strong and amazing person she was and how compassion and love can make the world a better place.

-I went to the 'middle of the earth,' also known as the equator.



-I got to go back east to upstate New York just in time for the fall colors - finally! It was sunny, warm, and the trees were gorgeous!





-I visited the town Wheeler, OR. As a Wheeler, this was pretty cool.


So excited for 2014!